Archive of ‘Baby loss’ category

The Loneliness of the Empty-Armed Mother

Yesterday was a bad day. Not for any particular reason. Grief can be lonely – even in a room full of people, fellow grievers say. Yesterday that loneliness, combined with anger, resentment and deep sorrow at being an empty-armed mother threatened to erupt. Stumbling upon a post by a fellow mother with no living children was […] Read more…

Being a Tall Poppy, and the Heroine of My Life

“Life-threatening is the ultimate in empowering”, I have heard. It certainly worked for me. Growing up, teachers observed my lack of self-confidence and recorded their thoughts in my school reports. The reports included words to the effect of “Leigh is bright, works hard, and produces consistently good work. I wish she would put herself forward more, come out of her shell.” I’m […] Read more…

Communication Matters: Results of the 2014 Neonatal Survey

Imagine seeing your new baby in an incubator, covered in tubes and perhaps ventilated to help them breathe. Imagine seeing your new baby in pain and there being little you can do to make it better. Imagine being surrounded by unfamiliar machines that beep relentlessly, unfamiliar words, terrifying news, feeling constant bewilderment. Imagine not being able […] Read more…

Coping

A few weeks ago I wrote about how I need to have courage and to be kind to myself, because my life after bereavement and trauma is forever. With a return to work imminent, I have been trying to do more things, push myself, and reintegrate. That has meant testing my coping strategies. Grief really […] Read more…

What Ifs and Wonders

Do you remember Sliding Doors, that Gwyneth Paltrow film from the 1990s? The film explored what happened to Gwynnie’s character – and her life – as a result of getting on the tube before the doors slid shut, or just missing the tube. Many of us have moments where we wonder ‘what if…’ for so […] Read more…

May is Preeclampsia Awareness Month: Why It Matters to You

In February 2014, I was 23 weeks’ pregnant with my first baby. I had been feeling a bit unwell for a few days: indigestion, breathing was difficult, and I had suddenly weight. All normal pregnancy gripes I thought, but I checked Dr Google just in case, as you do. Dr Google suggested preeclampsia. “Don’t be so […] Read more…

Before and After

I remember… Before. When all we had was hope. When we had everything to look forward to. I remember Martin cooking me my favourite meals and not minding when I could manage only a token mouthful, thanks to my all-day-and-all-night nausea. I remember spending hours reading about pregnancy. I remember feeling so excited about what every […] Read more…

Karma and Luck

Karma is something I used to believe in. “What goes around, comes around,” right? Karma is supposed to mean that bad things happen to people because they have done bad things. Getting their just desserts, if you like. This concept is something I have struggled with since Hugo was born, and even more since he […] Read more…

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