After Hugo died, I felt utterly and completely alone. I was struggling to come to terms not only with the loss of my much-wanted son who I love with all my heart, but with the traumatic end of my pregnancy, and a life-threatening illness I had never heard of before, too.
I desperately needed someone to reassure me that I wasn’t going completely mad, that the range of emotions I was feeling were normal and understandable in the circumstances. Such reassurance was difficult to find.
Hugo’s Legacy has been raising awareness of these issues; I am always keen to get the message out to a wider audience, so was really pleased when the NCT got in touch to ask if I would consider making a video of my story for their website. It’s the UK’s largest charity for parents and parents-to-be, meaning huge potential for getting the message about HELLP syndrome, premature babies, and baby loss out there.
As part of the film I spoke about Hugo; about the things that had helped us during Hugo’s life; and about my grief. It is the latter that I feel is particularly important because there is such a lack of support. I hope it will give hope to other parents suffering the same unimaginable pain – that while the early grief might feel like it will never get better, life does go on and you will find a way to enjoy life again. That life will never be the same again, and you will never ever stop missing or loving your child, but there is hope.
I’ll share the link to the film with you when it is ready.
Martin and I received the most beautiful gift last week: message eggs. Ten of my wonderful friends had collaborated to send us the gift to commemorate Hugo’s second birthday, and the second anniversary of his death.
Inside the pretty wooden box are gold sparkly eggs, each containing a message from the friends who contributed. The purpose of the messages is to show us how much we are loved, to give us a bit of extra support from afar during these difficult milestones.
A huge thank you to Hannah, Lucy, Vicki, Carla, Susanne, Jenny, Chelle, Karin, Natalie, and Beth for their kindness and generosity. I’m opening the eggs periodically to savour the love!
The workouts are still going well!
Last week’s PT session was a killer, with lots more kettle bell moves, and free weights. My lack of coordination, as well as weak shoulders (a desk job doesn’t help!) presents extra challenges, but they can be overcome. We also did lots more boxing – introducing abs and squats in to the workout. Phewee!
I’ve been doing spin classes, and circuits on my own too.
I’m pleasantly surprised to see how my attitude and outlook is changing. For example, to celebrate Martin’s birthday last week we had a lovely sunny day out in Cambridge, including lunch at Byron Burger. No burger for me, though: instead I ate a quinoa, avocado, tomato, and chicken salad – it was delicious! Filling too, so I didn’t feel deprived.
I am feeling and seeing the benefits, which makes the sweat and aches worth it…
Nominations for the two main blogging awards are still open!
If you would like to nominate me in the MADS or the BiBs, it would be wonderful. Making nominations in both awards is straightforward, but to make it even easier here are some links:
- Nomination form for the MADS and details of the available categories. I’d love to reach the final in the Best Writer category again. You also need to make a nomination for Blog of the Year. To make a nomination in whatever category you need my blog url – http://headspace-perspective.com Nominations close on April 8.
- You can read more about the categories for the BiBs – I’d love a nomination in the Inspire or Writer categories. To make a nomination in for the BiBs you’ll need my blog url, as above, as well as my Twitter handle – it’s @leighakendall. You’ll also need to include a link to your favourite post from my blog, which is entirely your choice. Nominations for these awards close on April 13.