Blimey – I haven’t blogged for nine days. NINE days! And as much as I love my blog and blogging, stepping off the hamster wheel for a while did me good.
Since I wrote my first post about Hugo in April 2014, I’ve written pretty much every day. Blogging has been my therapy, an outlet for my grief, giving me a purpose, introducing me to new friends and opportunities. In short, it has kept me going.
For a long time, I felt I could not stop with the blog. It is such an integral part of Hugo’s Legacy; the feeling that I must persist came from the sense of guilt I felt about Hugo’s early birth and his death; the sense that I must punish myself. The guilt has not completely disappeared – it will always linger – but I am now better able to give myself a bit of a break.
And, in fact, that break was enforced on me because I refused to give in to self-care. A virus came along and laid me low, and emotional torments on top of that meant I had little choice but to give writing a break.
I am moving forward. Ever finding my way through living with grief and trauma: discovering my strengths and my limitations, redefining my passions and ambitions.
I’ve been thinking for a while about where I want to take my blog and Hugo’s Legacy next, but never stopping long enough to give it any real thought. Pausing helped my ideas fall in to place. I’d been considering transferring my blog and going self-hosted for a while; the knowledge that otherwise I did not own my content had been niggling at me. Feeling inspired by my ideas – ideas that could only be fully realised with the freedom a self-hosted site offers – I just got on and did it.
I have some notes about what my own personal aims and objectives are, what I need to do to achieve them, and the role my blog can play in fulfilling them. Rough notes are enough: a direction, a focus, no need for detailed plans because who knows what might happen in life? No faffing, no over-thinking – I have just got on and done it.
The process of transferring everything over was a bit stressful at first, but mostly just time-consuming. The biggest challenge, I think, was choosing a new theme! I’ve been enjoying tinkering with it to make it truly ‘mine’, and will be writing a post about it for the benefit of anyone else considering the self-hosted plunge.
All will be revealed over the coming weeks. I know it’s mean to tease, but to give you a taster my focus will be along the lines of my new strapline: “Moving forward after trauma and loss…with passion, humour and style.”
My new direction is a magazine style blog, a resource for people who have lost a loved one, and/or suffered trauma – and anyone else who needs a bit of realistic inspiration in their life. By ‘realistic inspiration’ I mean acknowledging that we all have aims, ambitions, hopes and dreams but life doesn’t always work out the way we want it to – how can we pick ourselves up afterwards?
I’ll be looking at the things that make me happy, self-care, ways to navigate the bad days, and other things that make me, me. I want to show others that life is not always easy, but it can be meaningful and include joy.
And I want Hugo’s Legacy to spread still further.