Sunday Thought May 23, 2015: Giving In is NOT the same as Giving Up

Ever felt like you just want to hide under your duvet and never emerge? Like you want the world to just go away and leave you alone?

Me too.

There is a popular motivational quote by Regina Brett:

“No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up, and never give up.”

I agree with this quote on most days. Reflecting that I am fortunate to be alive, that life is short I usually get up, make myself presentable and show up – on my blog and on social media at least, if not in person.

I’ve done the getting up, dressing up and showing up thing even when I really haven’t felt like it. I should have given in to the urge to sit on the sofa, watch rubbish TV, read a book, or do colouring-in.

Instead, I carried on working away, putting pressure on myself, feeling guilty if I wasn’t doing something productive, constructive. The guilt was even more acute if I was doing something that did not directly involve Hugo’s legacy. There have been times when I have felt guilty for enjoying myself.

It has taken me some time to realise that giving in is not the same as giving up.

No, not by a long shot.

There are plenty of days when I have not felt very sociable. I have stayed within the controlled environment of my own home, but engaged happily enough on social media and on my blog.

There are some days, like yesterday for example, when I didn’t want to be on social media. I felt very low and thought it best to stay away rather than pretend to be cheerful, or whatever the online equivalent of putting on a fake smile is.

I was low because of a rollercoaster week. So, I indulged in some self-care with a magazine.

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The magazine part of the self-care didn’t last very long because the cat wanted to help me relax. Her idea of helping me relax is to lie on me and get me to fuss her, leaving no hands spare to hold the magazine. I don’t mind though of course, fussing her and listening to her blissed-out purring is one of the best-possible forms of relaxation.

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Today, I am happy to report, I feel brighter. Recharged.

The lesson is it is ok, acceptable, fine to give in sometimes. There is so much pressure on us to be all things to all people. To be happy all the time. To always be ‘ok’, grateful for who and what we have, who and what we are. To be go, go, go.

Trying to achieve these impossible ideals will only make us unhappy, stressed out over time – not just for the bereaved. It works for all of us.

So, taking inspiration from Regina Brett here is my thought for the day:

giveinnotgiveup

I even treated myself to a new pink lipstick, which also helped put a smile on my face.

There is no easy fix for grief, anxiety, or any such complex emotions. They are not easy to control. But I do whatever I can to make sure to help balance out the negative emotions with a bit of positive energy.20150524_135801-1

And then the fun began...
Beau Twins

21 Comments on Sunday Thought May 23, 2015: Giving In is NOT the same as Giving Up

  1. hayleyfromhome
    May 28, 2015 at 9:07 pm (3 years ago)

    I just love your outlook Leigh, you sound so self-aware which I suppose you have had to learn to be to carry on but it is still very inspiring. I used to love cuddling up with my cat too, so relaxing to just sit with them and listen to the purr xx #WellbeingWednesday

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      May 29, 2015 at 8:31 am (3 years ago)

      Thanks Hayley. You just have to get on with it in so many ways…just trying to find the balance! Cuddles with the cat are wonderful aren’t they? xxx

      Reply
  2. thenthefunbegan
    May 28, 2015 at 8:09 pm (3 years ago)

    Let there be balance in all things Leigh. I think that is a hard lesson for some people to learn but being kind to yourself is an important part of all of our journeys through life. I think your positive energy shines through – and you look so pretty in the lipstick picture – the pink suits you Xx #thetruthabout

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      May 29, 2015 at 8:30 am (3 years ago)

      So true – balance is vital. Thanks for your kind comment Sam xxx

      Reply
  3. beautwins
    May 27, 2015 at 6:13 pm (3 years ago)

    Leigh, you are incredible and you are so right; we need to be kinder to ourselves. We weren’t born with an inbuilt navigation system to take us on a smooth, plain sailing journey in life. Life is full of lessons and beyond imaginable ones. You are so inspiring and so giving. But giving as much as you do will exhaust you at the best of times. I am so pleased to read you are being kind to yourself gorgeous lady. Great choice of magazine, I need to start reading this again. Thank you so much for linking up with me for #WellbeingWednesday xxxx

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      May 29, 2015 at 8:24 am (3 years ago)

      Psychologies is really good isn’t it? Kind of lost interest in most women’s magazines. Yes, I’m exhausted so am trying to build in the self-care time and be kind to myself. Thank you lovely lady xxx

      Reply
  4. suzanne3childrenandit
    May 26, 2015 at 7:25 pm (3 years ago)

    This is very true. I think the key is understanding yourself and recognising the signs when you need to give in (not give up!). You obviously made a good choice yesterday and are benefitting today as a result. Great post 🙂

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      May 27, 2015 at 11:24 am (3 years ago)

      You’re so right, Suzanne, thank you xxx

      Reply
  5. motherhoodtherealdeal
    May 26, 2015 at 12:23 pm (3 years ago)

    I love this post. We all have good days and bad days and I think it’s so important to be real to ourselves when we have the bad days. The world does not always need to see our chipper face (or Tweets!) #thetruthabout

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      May 27, 2015 at 11:22 am (3 years ago)

      Absolutely, it’s important to be true to yourself and take time out when needed. Thanks for commenting xx

      Reply
  6. Mary @TheHeartyLife
    May 26, 2015 at 9:30 am (3 years ago)

    Oh man Leigh I relate SOOOO much to this! The amount of times Ive felt unsociable, like a turtle that wants to hide in my house. Times I cant keep going that day and just need a rest but wont because I feel guilt or think I must be failing in life. I always have to remind myself that giving in and taking time out is beneficial to surviving loss, you have to feel it, or protect yourself at times dont you x

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      May 27, 2015 at 11:20 am (3 years ago)

      You’re right, Mary, grief is about surviving – you have to do what you need to do to protect yourself. xxx

      Reply
  7. Mother Mands
    May 25, 2015 at 9:25 am (3 years ago)

    A good post that resonates a lot with me at the moment.

    I hate Sunday’s! As much as I can keep it together the rest of the week, and as positive as I try to be, 9.58 am on a Sunday is the time my heart broke and my baby girl was born silent. I know it’ll be a long time before Sunday’s will be ‘okay’, but like you say, that’s alright, We don’t have to be okay all the time 🙂 x

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      May 25, 2015 at 2:41 pm (3 years ago)

      I’m so sorry for your loss. Thursdays used to be my version of your Sundays. You are right, we don’t need to be ok all the time. Sometimes you just need to do whatever you need to do xxx

      Reply
  8. Hannah Budding Smiles
    May 24, 2015 at 7:28 pm (3 years ago)

    I love Kiran’s comment and echo it entirely. Totally agree with your post lovely and I’m glad you’ve felt better today xxx

    Reply
  9. Kiran Chug
    May 24, 2015 at 7:19 pm (3 years ago)

    So glad you are feeling brighter lovely. And I love that lipstick on you. Please don’t be all things to all people – be you. Much love xx

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      May 25, 2015 at 8:49 am (3 years ago)

      Thank you lovely! Pleased with my lipstick find. Will aim to always be me xxx

      Reply
  10. Mummy Writes
    May 24, 2015 at 7:14 pm (3 years ago)

    This is so true Leigh! You captured the feeling so well. I’ve felt like this today. It’s like you have a good run of days and getting stuck in and then the slump hits. I’m learning to just let it happen, there’s no use fighting it. Taking time out is so important. Hugs and you look fab today!

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      May 25, 2015 at 8:49 am (3 years ago)

      Isn’t that so true Kelly- I’m learning that a slump seems to follow a run of good days, and you’re right there’s no point fighting it. Thank you, lovely xxx

      Reply

1Pingbacks & Trackbacks on Sunday Thought May 23, 2015: Giving In is NOT the same as Giving Up

  1. […] Leigh at Headspace Perspective so brilliantly captured this thought in her post – ‘Giving in is not the same as giving up‘ Leigh also wrote a poignant and thought-provoking post about The loneliness of the […]

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