My Broken-Hearted Family

Image found on Pinterest

Image found on Pinterest

I found this image on Pinterest a while ago. It made me cry, but I couldn’t take my eyes from it.

So much conveyed through such a simple image.

A mother and a father having to let go of their precious baby.

I don’t know if I agree with the symbolism of the picture – I don’t like Hugo being described as an ‘angel baby’. Hugo is my Star Boy, having adventures in the galaxies above.

Sometimes when I look at this picture, I wonder why the parents, while clearly upset, are not offering more resistance. Why it seems such a peaceful scene. Why aren’t they fighting?

Then I remember my last moments with Hugo. I did not want him to go, not even for a moment. I would have done anything to have kept Hugo with me, for him to have got better, and for him to have come home with me and his daddy.

I like to think the baby in the picture is not going willingly. He looks like he is wriggling, just like Hugo would wriggle.

Hugo had fought so hard, and defied so many odds, for 35 days. His nurses told us they thought the love his daddy and I lavished Hugo gave him the strength and determination to keep fighting.

If only love was enough.

Hugo had told us, in his way, that he was tired of fighting. There was no more hope for him. I did not want my boy to suffer. I wanted my son to feel as much love as we could give him. We wanted to make sure his last moments were calm. No fighting. Not from him, not from us. He was snuggled between my boobs, and I sang to him. Hugo listened to my heartbeat – the first sound he would have heard was also the last.

When I discovered I was pregnant, Hugo’s daddy and I thought we had the family we so wished for at last.

We are broken-hearted.

Our family is broken-hearted.

Our friends are broken-hearted.

I feel broken.

________________

 Word of the Week – broken

The Reading Residence

The Prompt – Family

mumturnedmom

56 Comments on My Broken-Hearted Family

  1. lovedandfavored996
    February 1, 2015 at 3:18 am (3 years ago)

    Thank you for sharing this heartfelt post. XOXO

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      February 1, 2015 at 9:27 am (3 years ago)

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment xxx

      Reply
  2. Kiran Chug
    January 26, 2015 at 9:43 pm (3 years ago)

    Leigh I’m so angry for you. None of this is fair. I’m heartbroken for you. I don’t have the words either…. Suddenly nothing I worried about today seems remotely important. I wish wish wish everything was different. Sorry for being so ineloquent. Much love as always. XXXXX

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 27, 2015 at 5:12 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you Kiran. It is really, horribly unfair. Thank you for your kind words, and support as always xxx

      Reply
  3. EMZ
    January 26, 2015 at 3:50 pm (3 years ago)

    Heartbreaking Leigh, as someone has already said, thank you for sharing – makes you cherish what you have, big virtual hugs x

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 27, 2015 at 5:11 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you for commenting xxx

      Reply
  4. Kgomotso
    January 26, 2015 at 8:04 am (3 years ago)

    What a beautiful moving post. No other words except to say thank you for sharing with all of us. x

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 27, 2015 at 5:10 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment xxx

      Reply
  5. crazywithtwins
    January 26, 2015 at 8:02 am (3 years ago)

    I have no words, but I couldn’t read and run. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this horrible loss. So much love shines through in this post. Sending much love and strength to you and your family. X

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 27, 2015 at 5:09 pm (3 years ago)

      I appreciate your kind comment, thank you xxx

      Reply
  6. Misplaced Brit (@Misplaced_Brit)
    January 25, 2015 at 10:01 am (3 years ago)

    You’ve put words to that image that only a heart full of love could ever convey.
    – Thanks Tim @ThatchamDad for sharing on Facebook!

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 27, 2015 at 5:07 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you for your kind comment xxx

      Reply
  7. Tracey @ Mummyshire
    January 24, 2015 at 11:46 pm (3 years ago)

    I’ve just discovered your blog via #ThePrompt and I am lost for words, mainly because I’m wiping the tears from my eyes. I cannot imagine your emotional heartbreak, and am hugely in awe of your strength of writing and your desire to create a legacy for Hugo. You’re clearly a very proud and loving mother. Much love xx

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 25, 2015 at 8:16 am (3 years ago)

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Now I don’t have Hugo in my arms, writing about him is a way of directing all the love I have for him. Definitely a proud mummy! xxx

      Reply
  8. Bec Cowley
    January 23, 2015 at 11:08 pm (3 years ago)

    I have no words, my heart hurts for you xx beautiful Hugo the brightest star in the sky xx

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 24, 2015 at 3:15 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you, Hugo is the brightest star in the sky xxx

      Reply
  9. fatmonica1
    January 23, 2015 at 9:35 pm (3 years ago)

    Such an eloquent piece of writing and I can feel Hugo in every word x

    Reply
  10. HonestMum.com
    January 23, 2015 at 8:59 pm (3 years ago)

    Reading this crying. I wish I had something eloquent to say but it’s so unfair, sending you love xx

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 24, 2015 at 2:37 pm (3 years ago)

      It really is so bloody unfair. Thank you, lovely xxx

      Reply
  11. Salma
    January 23, 2015 at 8:52 pm (3 years ago)

    …the weight of grief is a heavy burden to bear…5 years after the devastating death of my little boy I understand. I may not know how you are feeling today or tomorrow, but I understand.
    He was so precious…beautiful!!!

    Hugs!!

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 24, 2015 at 2:36 pm (3 years ago)

      Grief really is such a heavy burden. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind words about my beautiful Hugo xxx

      Reply
  12. mommyslittleprincesses
    January 23, 2015 at 8:40 pm (3 years ago)

    As I read this my eyes started tearing up, I felt my heart aching for you and your family. You and your hubby did Hugo proud with the abundance of love you showered him with. xx

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 24, 2015 at 2:35 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you for reading about Hugo xxx

      Reply
  13. Sara (@mumturnedmom)
    January 23, 2015 at 8:33 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh Leigh, my heart breaks for you again. I wish there were words that would help. Reading your blog always reminds me that I should never, ever take my family for granted; thank you for continuing to share with us all and thank you so much for joining in with #ThePrompt this week xx

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 24, 2015 at 2:34 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you for your kindness, Sara xxx

      Reply
  14. Merlinda Little (@pixiedusk)
    January 23, 2015 at 8:29 pm (3 years ago)

    I love this illustration. I want to go to you and give you real hugs. I have no word to describe how painful it is. I am always thinking of you.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 24, 2015 at 2:33 pm (3 years ago)

      That’s really kind, thank you xxx

      Reply
  15. Kim Carberry
    January 23, 2015 at 8:05 pm (3 years ago)

    I have no words! Such a moving post! Sending love and hugs x

    Reply
  16. Lyn
    January 23, 2015 at 5:49 pm (3 years ago)

    Leigh, you make me realise how fortunate I am. Your blog brings a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye. X

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 24, 2015 at 2:25 pm (3 years ago)

      Bless you, thank you for commenting xxx

      Reply
  17. pottymouthedmummy
    January 23, 2015 at 4:08 pm (3 years ago)

    Sat crying. You write so beautifully through all this, that so many of reading cannot even comprehend experiencing. It is a beautiful image xx

    Reply
  18. Maria (@Mbette827)
    January 23, 2015 at 3:50 pm (3 years ago)

    Leigh~I’m speechless. I offer you my sincerest condolences. I could never imagine what you and your husband have gone through. Your strength in astounding, talking about your little boy, your Star Boy. He was so lucky to have had you, and I’m sure he’s playing in the galaxies now, and happily looking after you.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 24, 2015 at 2:23 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you for reading about Hugo, and for your kind words xxx

      Reply
  19. mummyshambles
    January 23, 2015 at 3:28 pm (3 years ago)

    My heart really goes out to you. Leigh. xx

    Reply
  20. sarahmo3w
    January 23, 2015 at 2:02 pm (3 years ago)

    I feel broken-hearted for you just reading these words. Such a moving post. I have no other words I can say, but thank you for sharing this. x

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 24, 2015 at 2:21 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment xxx

      Reply
  21. thereadingresidence
    January 23, 2015 at 1:57 pm (3 years ago)

    You have me in tears, of course. I feel so much anger on your behalf, and I would love to be able to take away some of your pain, but I know I cannot. All the more frustrating. A beautiful image, and a beautiful, honest, pain-filled post x Thanks for sharing with #WotW

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 24, 2015 at 3:40 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you so much for your kindness, Jocelyn xxx

      Reply
  22. Mummy Writes
    January 23, 2015 at 1:46 pm (3 years ago)

    Oh Leigh this is beautiful but heartbreaking too. Such a striking image. Hugo is always part of you both, he’s a shooting star! Hug xxx

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 24, 2015 at 2:19 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you, Hugo is my shooting star lighting up the world xxx

      Reply
  23. Sleighranga (@SarangaComics)
    January 23, 2015 at 12:36 pm (3 years ago)

    I really like this picture, although it is heartbreaking. I also don’t like the term angel children, I’m not Christian and I don’t believe in that version of heaven. I think of my son as my little viking.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 23, 2015 at 12:42 pm (3 years ago)

      A little Viking – that is a lovely thought about your son. It is such a heartbreaking picture. Thank you for commenting xxx

      Reply
  24. Louise
    January 23, 2015 at 12:14 pm (3 years ago)

    Leigh, I wish there were the words that could ease your pain. Such a beautiful picture and conveys so very much. Sending love and hugs your way x

    Reply
  25. Emma
    January 23, 2015 at 11:39 am (3 years ago)

    Leigh, my heart hurts for you. This is all so heavy, what we are going through, what we know others are going through too. There is no reason or sense and I am furious at the universe for what it does to good people for absolutely no reason. It hurts, so much. X

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 23, 2015 at 12:38 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you, Emma. The weight of grief is a heavy burden to bear, isn’t it? I am carrying so much anger at the injustice, our loved ones taken away from us. It really does hurt so much xxx

      Reply
  26. Stephanie (@LifeAt139a)
    January 23, 2015 at 10:58 am (3 years ago)

    Hugs X
    …and possibly inappropriate to mention on such a heart-breaking post, but I love your new header image x #wotw

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 23, 2015 at 12:37 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you, Stephanie.

      Thank you too re my header, I designed it myself and am much happier with how it looks xxx

      Reply
  27. Tim
    January 23, 2015 at 10:10 am (3 years ago)

    Oh, Leigh. Yet again, I have no words that can be even remotely adequate. You’ve brought a tear to my again.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 23, 2015 at 12:36 pm (3 years ago)

      Bless you Tim, thank you x

      Reply

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