The end of the year.
That time for contemplation and reflection of everything that has happened during the past 12 months. What went well, what didn’t go so well? Berating yourself for doing, or not doing something.
It is the time for resolutions. We tell ourselves that the next year will be different, that we will be in control.
Lists are written, plans made. Too often, however, people think a new calendar on January 1 brings changes in itself.
The reality is we can never know what the coming year will bring us, no matter how many lists we write or plans we make.
One thing I learnt during 2014 is that the unexpected, the unimaginable can happen. Your heart can break, your dreams can be ripped in to shreds.
I survived possibly the worst thing imaginable. The loss of my precious, much-wanted, much-loved baby boy, Hugo. My life will never be the same again. I will never be the same again.
Not knowing what is around the corner, or knowing that the rug can be pulled out from under you doesn’t mean we shouldn’t plan, prepare, or dream. There are many things I would like to achieve in 2015: to continue to grow Hugo’s legacy, to maintain my physical health and improve my emotional health, to name just three.
These goals will be achieved through many varying, diverse channels. I remain open to them all. I don’t know what may happen – good or bad.
However, while in 2014 I survived, and I am proud of that, considering everything that happened, in 2015 I intend to thrive.
The late, great Maya Angelou (who sadly also left us in 2014) sums it up perfectly:
In 2015, I will build on the passion that has helped me survive 2014. I will use that passion to help more people through Hugo’s legacy, improving experiences and information. That’s where the compassion comes in, too.
The new kick-ass Leigh has kicked many asses during 2014, and will continue to give boots up bums where they are needed.
I will remain passionate about my writing, and plan to expand that, too. I have no idea how, yet, but I will!
Humour – well, I have a very dry sense of humour as you may have gathered if you are a regular reader. My humour helps get me through the darkest times. I’m not intending to lose my sense of humour any time soon.
Well, style – I can sum that up by continuing to be myself. Who is that? Someone who loves bright colour, taking photographs, being creative, caring less about what people think, being kind. To me, these qualities are always in style.
Perhaps thriving will help make me happy, too. ‘Happy’ is such a simple word, yet seems such an abstract concept. Saying I want to be happy is natural, but implies I will not be sad. Of course I will be sad, the flow of time to a new year does not mean my sorrow, grief, or heartbreak will be erased. Hopefully a bit more happiness will peek out though. I also hope I will gain a greater comfort with feeling happy, and proactively seeking happiness.
I feel that is what Hugo, my beautiful, feisty little boy who always wanted to get his way would want for me.
To be happy.
What do you hope 2015 will bring you?
Linking up with Mum Turned Mom with the prompt word ‘beginning’