Positive resonance

There are always quotes doing the rounds on social media. Some make you giggle a bit, some you nod along with. Every so often, a quote appears that is so resonant it makes you say “Are you looking in my head?”

That’s what I thought when I saw this quote yesterday. It was on Twitter, so catching it amongst the hubbub was a minor miracle. Serendipity, surely.

whatgrieflookslike.jpg

The quote sums up so succinctly how I feel. It expresses the things I am scared of. People say I am ‘brave’, which is lovely. I don’t feel it, though. I am scared.

I am scared of remembering

I am scared of forgetting

I am scared of the past

I am scared of the future

I am scared of feeling too much

I am scared of feeling too little

I am scared of the bad memories

I am scared of the loneliness of grief

I am scared of the weight of my empty arms

I am scared that people in the ‘real’ world have forgotten about Hugo

I am scared that people in the ‘real’ world have grown tired of my unreliability and plan changing; of me.

Yesterday evening was an extra bad one, with lots of tears. Nothing in particular set it off; it’s the waves of grief. People sent love, hugs and private messages – thank you so much, it means the world.

Resonance is a comfort. To know I am not the only one.

My psychologist has given me a book about overcoming grief that I have started reading. It is useful because it is resonant, something else that is like looking in to my brain. I have stopped reading it because there was a section that upset me, but I shall have to skip past that part and find that resonance again.

Earlier this week, I had an idea pop in my head. The idea became the Bloggers’ Hierarchy of Needs, and was fun to write. It has resonated with many bloggers, with the sentiment that for all our differences we share similar motivations, that we are all the best at being who we are, and celebrating our supporting blogging community.

Knowing my post had such positive resonance for others has been a positive boost for me.

Resonance is such a positive thing. It shows us we are not alone. It gives us a virtual hug.

It is a great gift to give, as well as receive.

 

The Reading Residence

17 Comments on Positive resonance

  1. Merlinda Little (@pixiedusk)
    November 29, 2014 at 6:45 pm (5 years ago)

    Can I just tell you how I am not feeling well today as well. I badly want to end my marriage but I dont have any ways to be by myself here. Lets be sad together. Hopefully tomorrow will be a new day =(

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      December 1, 2014 at 2:01 pm (5 years ago)

      I’m sorry to hear that, and hope you are having a better day today xxx

      Reply
  2. SingleMotherAhoy
    November 29, 2014 at 2:33 pm (5 years ago)

    I’m not sure how to comment on this post. I’m sorry you’re having a shitty time. It’s only been seven months, and you have a lot to recover from. I think sometimes we expect ourselves and each other to just buck up and get on with it – but realistically, it can take an age to get over even minor issues. You’ve suffered the most tragic loss anyone could go through.
    Have you ever read The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion? She wrote it about the year after her husband died. Her loss was not the same as yours, but the book is about grief and loss and does a lot of the positive resonance thing x

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      November 30, 2014 at 10:36 am (5 years ago)

      Thanks Vicky. I know it’s only a short period of time…it’s just so painful living it. I’ll check out that book, thanks for the recommendation xxx

      Reply
  3. Louise
    November 28, 2014 at 10:40 pm (5 years ago)

    Resonance is a lovely positive word Leigh – so sorry that yesterday evening was such a tough one for you. I hope that the book will help when you feel ready to pick it up again having skipped that section. Sending huge hugs your way and thinking of you especially this time of year xx

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      November 29, 2014 at 9:18 am (5 years ago)

      Thanks so much Louise xxx

      Reply
  4. thereadingresidence
    November 28, 2014 at 8:52 pm (5 years ago)

    I did like that post, and I’m glad it gave you a boost. I think resonance is key to connecting and keeping sane. We can;t all feel the same things, at the same time, but knowing someone out there has/is feeling it must be a huge comfort. And for those of us that cannot relate to your devastating loss, we can only tell you that we are here and you need not add a fear of losing us to that long list there. Hugs as always, Leigh xx Thanks for sharing with #WotW

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      November 29, 2014 at 9:15 am (5 years ago)

      Oh, absolutely, resonance is so important for keeping us sane, and connecting with others – that “Me too!” moment. Thank you for your kindness as ever, Jocelyn xxx

      Reply
  5. blopmamma2014
    November 28, 2014 at 7:50 pm (5 years ago)

    Of course you do my Love. That’s all any Mummy wants and you will always be his Mummy.

    Reply
  6. blopmamma2014
    November 28, 2014 at 5:38 pm (5 years ago)

    Oh Leigh, I want to reach through this post and hug you.
    People in ‘real life’ will never forget Hugo because you will never forget him. You carry him in your heart and you tell others about him. So many people who never met him will still remember him through your wonderful blog.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      November 28, 2014 at 7:32 pm (5 years ago)

      Thank you so much for your kind comment. It’s wonderful to know so many people know how special my Hugo was – although of course I wish I was another anonymous mummy struggling with lack of sleep and pooey nappies xxx

      Reply
  7. marysmith221
    November 28, 2014 at 2:27 pm (5 years ago)

    I LOVE this post – it describes my feelings perfectly too. The loneliness, fear and general lack of control over your life and self all ring true. It’s sad when you meet others that know but its also a comfort to know others do understand.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      November 28, 2014 at 3:34 pm (5 years ago)

      I understand what you mean – it’s a comfort to know others get it, but you’d much rather they didn’t. It’s horrid, isn’t it. Love and hugs xxx

      Reply
  8. redpeffer
    November 28, 2014 at 10:37 am (5 years ago)

    Yes, being able to reach out to other’s is some comfort all of its own. And I also think being able to write and feel free to express our feelings is a part of healing that shouldn’t be underestimated.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      November 28, 2014 at 3:30 pm (5 years ago)

      Being free to express our feelings is so cathartic, and can be very healing. Thanks for your comment xxx

      Reply

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