Creating precious memories: baby bereavement photography

Many proud new parents take for granted that they can take endless photographs of their new arrival.

When a baby dies – before or soon after birth – there is only one chance to take photographs and create precious memories for the bereaved parents.

My partner and I have hundreds of photos and videos of our son Hugo, who lived for 35 days. Hugo had been born when I was just 24 weeks’ pregnant. He spent his life on a ventilator, and in an incubator.

So many of the photos we have of Hugo show his personality – lying back with his legs dangling over his nest, throwing his arms around, playing with the wires, or comfily lying in his favourite position on his tummy. Our videos show him boogying to my singing, and opening his eyes to peek out on the world.

Precious memories, every one.

Hugo

Hugo

Despite being so premature, Hugo already had a beautiful head of rich dark hair (just like me when I was a baby). During his life, his hair was covered by the little hat that helped keep the ventilator tube in place. I have one photo of him without his hat, which is when it was being changed.

A nurse is holding the ventilator tube in place, but I love that photo because it shows how handsome Hugo was, and it gives a suggestion of what he might have looked like when he grew bigger.

Proud Mummy alert: what a beautiful boy!

Proud Mummy alert: what a beautiful boy!

My one regret of Hugo’s life and death is not having a proper photo of the whole of his beautiful face.

Hugo was so tiny, weighing just 420 grams at birth. The tape holding the naso-gastric tube in place and the bows on his hat that kept the ventilator tube in place obscured his features.

These pieces of equipment helped keep Hugo alive, meaning the only opportunity we had to get a photo of Hugo’s face without the paraphernalia was after he had died.

My beautiful boy

My beautiful boy

We didn’t take a photo because it didn’t feel right. Of course, we were not thinking straight – our baby had just died and we were utterly devastated. Hugo, our first and only child, was the first dead person we had ever seen. To take a photo of a dead baby seemed macabre – especially when he had been alive and literally kicking only a few hours before.

I think and know differently now. There is a quote from a bereaved father in the leaflet ‘Saying Goodbye to Your Baby’ produced by the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death charity (SANDS) that really resonated with me:

I realised it was better to have a photograph I did not want than to want a photograph I did not have.

I will be forever grateful to neonatal unit where Hugo was looked after for everything they did to help save Hugo. We went in to a separate room to spend Hugo’s last moments quietly together. The staff lent us the unit’s camera, and we took a few photos of our final cuddles.

No one told us we couldn’t take a photo, but no one told us we could, either.

I helped wash and dress Hugo, which I was very grateful to be able to do for my baby. Simple things that so many other mothers taken for granted – I knew it was the first and last time I would be able to do that for my son. We have hand and footprints, and a lock of his beautiful hair.

We were able to spend as long as we liked cuddling Hugo. I spent a lot of time stroking his face and the little bit of hair sticking out of his hat – his hair was so soft.

We have some photos taken a couple of hours after Hugo’s death – he was wrapped up in a blanket and you can’t really see his face.

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If you are a midwife or neonatal/paediatric nurse dealing with the death of a baby, please take a moment to gently mention to the parents the possibility of taking a photograph. Permission needs to be more than implied at such a distressing time – you might need to be more explicit.

Mention to the parents that they might think they don’t want photos at that time, but they might change their minds in the future. You can explain that the hospital can look after the photos until the parents are ready to receive them. Of course, the hospital will need to comply with data protection laws – information about this and how the parents can get the photos whenever they are ready could be included in the bereavement literature.

Alternatively, if there is time the hospital could get in touch with a specialist bereavement photography charity such as Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. This US based charity now has volunteer photographers in the UK, too. As you’ll see from their website their photographers take beautiful black-and-white photos. The charity is currently asking for more photographers to volunteer their services, so they are able to respond to every request – September is Recruit a Photographer month. If you are a photographer who might be able to help create such precious memories, please do get in touch.

Me and Hugo

Me and Hugo

The photo above is the best one I have of Hugo’s whole face, without any equipment attached to it – but he is wearing a hat, so you can’t see his hair. This photo was taken in the funeral home some two weeks after Hugo’s death, and of course he had changed by then. He was still beautiful of course, and I am glad I have the photograph – especially as it shows a tender moment between mummy and son.

The story does have a happy ending of sorts. I am fortunate to have a lovely photographer friend who offered to see if she was able to remove some of the medical equipment using Photoshop. I was delighted with the result – just like the photo of Hugo without his hat, they help me imagine what he would have looked like as a little boy.

Hugo lives on in our minds – and in these precious photographs. They are invaluable to me, just as baby photographs are to any parent. The fact that for bereaved parents these photographs are finite makes them even more precious.

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62 Comments on Creating precious memories: baby bereavement photography

  1. suzie81speaks
    January 31, 2015 at 10:24 am (2 years ago)

    What beautiful pictures… Thank you for sharing them…

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      January 31, 2015 at 1:34 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read the posts. I treasure those photos xxx

      Reply
  2. blopmamma2014
    December 6, 2014 at 10:56 pm (2 years ago)

    Reblogged this on 23weeksocks and commented:
    This post by Leigh Kendall reminded me of what I was trying to do for Caitlin’s family when I took the photographs of her.
    I’m so pleased that Leigh has so many photographs to remember her beautiful son Hugo by and I hope the photographs I took have helped Caitlin’s family in the same way.

    Reply
  3. Nicky Heppenstall
    October 19, 2014 at 5:03 pm (2 years ago)

    http://www.remembermybaby.org.uk has a mission – our goal is to have at least one photographer linked with every maternity unit and birth centre in the UK. We can cover NICU/SCBU as well – a baby who never makes it home really, is our brief. If staff know about us, we can provide more parents like you with free remembrance photography. So sorry you lost Hugo xxx Nicky, co-founder Remember My Baby

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      October 31, 2014 at 3:37 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you for your kind words about Hugo. I am sorry I didn’t know about you when Hugo died, but thank you for your work helping other parents create precious memories. xxx

      Reply
  4. Kelly J
    October 5, 2014 at 3:08 am (2 years ago)

    Thank you. I have precious few pictures of my son. He was born at 24 weeks and was not known about until I went into labor. I cherish the ones I have of his hands and feet.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      October 5, 2014 at 2:34 pm (2 years ago)

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry too you have so few photos, but lovely to have ones of his hands and feet. Babies’ hands and feet are so precious xxx

      Reply
  5. MENTALLY ME (@stuckinscared)
    October 4, 2014 at 1:47 pm (2 years ago)

    This is an incredibly beautiful post – what a precious little bundle your Hugo was.

    Thank you so much for sharing your experiences – what a wonderful gift you are giving to other grieving parents.

    You are an inspiration.

    God bless, Kimmie x

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      October 4, 2014 at 1:49 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you for your kind words. Hugo really was so gorgeous, wasn’t he? I hope this post helps parents in a similar situation to know photos are ok, and for staff to be more explicit. xxx

      Reply
  6. @mumfirstdoctorsecond
    October 1, 2014 at 10:23 pm (2 years ago)

    What a gorgeous picture of you and Hugo together. I’m so sorry for your loss. I linked through to this post from your “letter to the neonatal team” post and Hugo sounds like he had a wonderful spirit and personality. I’m a neonatal doctor and think what NILMDTS do is amazing. Thank you for writing this though and reminding us that sometimes we should be more explicit and support parents to take more photos etc when they are dealing with the hardest day of their lives. I wish you and your husband all the best for the future. X

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      October 2, 2014 at 8:53 am (2 years ago)

      Hugo really was such a special baby, he touched so many people. I hope my writing can help other parents by making staff more aware of what this side of things is like. I’m glad Hugo can help other people. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.xxx

      Reply
  7. Sarah Chadwick
    September 28, 2014 at 1:29 am (3 years ago)

    Your son is so sweet and beautiful. Thank you for sharing. We are dealing with the loss of our sweet son, Benjamin, born sleeping at 18 weeks. I wish we had someone who could explain to us what to expect and what we could do after he was born. I delivered and then had to go into surgery. I did get to hold him in recovery, but I wasn’t sure how long I could hold him or if I could unwrap him from his blankets to look at his sweet tiny feet. Having someone explain that these things were ok to do and that I could take as much time as I wanted would have been so wonderful in such a sad, difficult situation. I was still coming around from the sedation of surgery, I felt like I had to hurry up, the recovery room nurse was sitting there waiting with her purse in hand, apparently she was called in to work recovery as it was after 10 pm, I will never ever forget that. It was so cold and uncaring at a time when you need compassion the most, we did not get that. My husband was busy on the phone with the funeral home making arrangements instead of being able to hold his son and sit with me, because that’s what the nurse told us we had to do. We have sweet photos of our son but failed to take any with him in my arms, again, we were not sure what we could do and honestly it wasn’t on our minds, we were so shell shocked. Having someone there to guide us through this would have been so incredibly helpful. Thank you for letting me share a small part of our story and thank you for sharing yours.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 28, 2014 at 11:14 am (3 years ago)

      Thank you for your kind words about Hugo. I am so sorry about your Benjamin, and that no one took the time to explain what you could and couldn’t do with him. Such precious memories. I am so sorry you did not get care and compassion from healthcare professionals, especially at such an awful time. That is unacceptable. Sending you love and hugs. Thank you for sharing your story with me xxx

      Reply
  8. Sharon
    September 27, 2014 at 4:01 pm (3 years ago)

    thank you so much for your story. It reminds me of when I lost my son Robin in 1998. No one told me to get pictures of him but I know that in time I would want to see him after most of the pain had faded. Now they are cherished. I had my son at 25 weeks he had been wrapped up in the umbilical cord and passed away. It was a difficult time for me. But years later I’m glad I have the photos.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 27, 2014 at 4:10 pm (3 years ago)

      I’m sorry for your loss. I’m pleased you have photos of Robin xxx

      Reply
  9. Shelley
    September 27, 2014 at 11:28 am (3 years ago)

    Leigh Kendall, Thanks for your inspiration.
    I lost my Coraleigh Anne on the 5th of March 1994 at 27 weeks.
    I am ever so grateful to my mother and her then partner for taking the time to be with me and hold my daughter till I felt ready to say my goodbyes to her. I have photos after the birth, her christening and her funeral the week after.
    I treasure those memories of my daughhter ever so much

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 27, 2014 at 1:04 pm (3 years ago)

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m pleased you have the photos of your precious daughter to treasure, they are so important. Sending love xxx

      Reply
  10. Emily Karolski
    September 27, 2014 at 9:05 am (3 years ago)

    I am a NICU nurse and photographer and am a part of an organization called The Tiny Footprints Project. This post was wonderful. I have always offered to do bereavement pictures when babies pass away on our unit. You are right, we as nurses should make a point to tell parents that while they may not want pictures now, they almost certainly will later. We save pictures for parents for when they are ready to view them. We also put together a box of keepsakes for them with handprints, footprints, and a ceramic mold of the baby’s feet. I hope this post will help to open the eyes of others in the NICU field and get people on board with providing these things to parents who have lost a baby. Every unit should have someone available who is comfortable with taking these pictures, that way the parents can focus on spending time with the baby without having to take pictures they aren’t sure they’re ready for. Great post, and I am so sorry for your loss. Hugo was a beautiful baby.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 27, 2014 at 1:04 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you! I’m a proud mummy of such a beautiful baby. It’s wonderful to hear what you do for bereaved parents. We’re grateful to have the lock of Hugo’s hair, his hand/footprints as well as all the other photos. I hope my story raises awareness of making a gentle point to bereaved parents at a time when they are unable to think straight. Thanks for taking the time to comment xxx

      Reply
  11. Yvonne
    September 27, 2014 at 7:28 am (3 years ago)

    Such a beautiful piece. My heart goes out to you, I can’t begin to imagine the pain you are going through. What a brave lady you are. My twins were born at 28 weeks (they are now 7) and I remember the hideous anxiety of those early SCBU days and nights. I think your post will help others going through a terrible loss of a baby. If I had been in the same position I would not have thought to take such a photograph. Memories are so very precious and to see a face without the paraphernalia of tubes, ventilators, cpap etc would be something I would have wanted x

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 27, 2014 at 1:01 pm (3 years ago)

      I’m glad your babies make it home. I really do hope sharing my story will help other parents in a similar position. xxx

      Reply
  12. Michelle Payne-Gale
    September 27, 2014 at 6:55 am (3 years ago)

    This post is beautiful, Leigh. I’m so glad you have photos to treasure. Yes, it’s so important for medical staff to prompt Parents about photos as their minds may not even be in that place during such a worrying time. Likewise, Parents shouldn’t feel there’s anything macabre about taking photos. The quote by the bereaved father is spot-on. Hugo was a crazy-handsome little boy and it was a pleasure to ‘spend an evening’ with him in Photoshop.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 27, 2014 at 1:00 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you, Michelle. I will be forever grateful for you taking the time to play with those photos. I am very grateful to have such a thoughtful friend as you xxx

      Reply
  13. stacey
    September 27, 2014 at 5:12 am (3 years ago)

    I would just like to say what a beautiful baby boy. I have not lost any children…. and i am sorry that your lil angel left this place. But i am the third child 4. My oldest brother died at 6 of luekemia. And when i was 5 years old my mama god rest her soul had a miscarriage. And she was 5 months pregnant and she talked about her pain with me. May god be with you in your healing…

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 27, 2014 at 12:59 pm (3 years ago)

      I’m sorry about your brother. To lose a child is beyond description for any mother. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment xxx

      Reply
  14. Lori Sattler
    September 27, 2014 at 1:48 am (3 years ago)

    I lost our first born a precious baby boy, he was stillborn when I was 7 1/2 mo pregnant. The hospital took photos of him before he turned dark I treasure those photos he would be 23 yrs old on Oct 8th. I wish the funeral home would have taken pictures of him with makeup but they didn.t.So glad to have the ones I have!!!!

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 27, 2014 at 12:57 pm (3 years ago)

      I’m so sorry about your loss. I’m glad you have some photos of your precious baby xxx

      Reply
  15. Heidi Haynes
    September 26, 2014 at 10:38 pm (3 years ago)

    Hey girl I never lost a child but I support the mother s that go through that I do have 4 I just had him July11th an I hold my kids tighter to my heart every moment I see yalls stories I am so SORRY Hugo was a handsome baby. I just know Hugo is with u heart and mind. In every step you have to take walking forward it takes a special mom to handle that. Your an awesome mom strong person. If ya ever need a friend I am here! Hit me up on email or text I could use more friends so sorry again keep ur head up. Thank u for sharing!

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 27, 2014 at 12:56 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words, I really appreciate it xxx

      Reply
  16. Trista
    September 26, 2014 at 8:51 pm (3 years ago)

    You are such a strong women ! And what a beautiful baby boy. I was in tears reading this I couldn’t imagine the pain you feel . I can only pray that you find peace ! He was just to beautiful for this earth ! Rip little guy!

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 27, 2014 at 12:53 pm (3 years ago)

      Hugo was so beautiful. Thank you for reading our story xxx

      Reply
  17. Meredith Vanegas
    September 26, 2014 at 7:52 pm (3 years ago)

    Hugo was indeed very handsome, his little nose was cute as a button. Thank you for sharing your story momma, your memories and photos are priceless.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 26, 2014 at 7:53 pm (3 years ago)

      Oh, Hugo’s nose was wonderful, so defined! Thank you so much for reading Hugo’s story and for your kind comment xxx

      Reply
  18. Amber Kazmir
    September 26, 2014 at 5:55 pm (3 years ago)

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I had twin boys born at 26 weeks and my son Colin only lived for 3 days. NILMDTS was not formed when my boys were born but I am fortunate enough to be a scrapbooker and taking tons of pictures is my thing. I specifically asked to have Colin put in the isolette with his twin brother after they had taken Colin off the ventilator- its the only picture I have of them together and I treasure those pictures.
    I was able to spend an hour with Colin before he passed and we invited our family into the room to say goodbye to him. We have pictures of everyone holding him and saying goodbye. I some of the sweetest pictures of my husband holding Colin in his arms. I took pictures of the NICU nurse doing his footprints and getting a lock of his hair. It was just second nature for me to document everything but I know that there are people who are not like me. So even though those pictures are very difficult to look at, I am grateful that I have them. It’s been 9.5 years since Colin passed and I have times where I NEED to look through those pictures so I treasure them all.
    Thank you for sharing your story. Prayers for your family.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 26, 2014 at 6:58 pm (3 years ago)

      I’m so sorry for your loss of Colin. What a wonderful idea to take all those photos – such wonderful memories for you. I understand about needing to look at the photos. Thank you so much for reading Hugo’s story xxx

      Reply
  19. Diana Knott
    September 26, 2014 at 2:43 pm (3 years ago)

    my husband and I have lost 2 grandsons and we miss them soooooo much. 1 had passed from RSV at 7 1/2 weeks old and the the other had been born sleeping and I had wished so much that we would have known about NILMDTS with are second grandson and we would have had more pics of him. but i’m so sorry for ur loss and think of it this way, he is another little angel in the sky. thank you for sharing this with everyone.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 26, 2014 at 5:34 pm (3 years ago)

      I’m so sorry for the loss of your little grandsons. Thank you so much for reading Hugo’s story and for your wishes xxx

      Reply
  20. donna
    September 26, 2014 at 2:26 pm (3 years ago)

    He was a beautiful baby boy! I’m sooo sorry for your loss, but so proud that you have shared your story, I know it helps other moms and dads. Big hugs!!

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 26, 2014 at 7:39 pm (3 years ago)

      Hugo was so beautiful, thank you. Thanks so much for reading our story, I do hope it helps others xxx

      Reply
  21. Sara (@mumturnedmom)
    September 26, 2014 at 1:44 am (3 years ago)

    Thank you for sharing these Leigh, Hugo was beautiful. Such an important message for others x

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 26, 2014 at 5:30 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you, Hugo really was so beautiful. I hope it helps others xxx

      Reply
  22. deskmonkeymummy
    September 25, 2014 at 9:27 pm (3 years ago)

    Precious, gorgeous photos. I wish there was a way to express the rush of emotion I have when looking at your pictures. Thank you for sharing with us x

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 26, 2014 at 5:20 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you so much for looking at the photos – just you saying the photos give you a rush of emotion says it all – thank you xxx

      Reply
  23. Angela Nicholls
    September 25, 2014 at 8:40 pm (3 years ago)

    I am in exactly the same boat as yourself, Hun, my baby only lived for 4 days, and one of them she was covered in bubble wrap so, we have only got the one they took when she first got to NICU, and then some very blurred ones just as she was about to pass away, it is truly heartbreaking not to have that special photo without all the medical equipment, your little man is lovely and so handsome, thank goodness for your friend who managed to get you that special photo you so desperately need, love to you and your family xxx

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 25, 2014 at 8:46 pm (3 years ago)

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I think we take for granted that we will be able to take millions of photos of our babies, and it’s so sad to be denied them in situations like ours. Much love to you xxx

      Reply
  24. Hazera Forth
    September 25, 2014 at 1:42 pm (3 years ago)

    This is not macabre at all and actually, there is an old tradition during the first era of photography of having Memento Mori pictures of deceased loved ones, either posed with other family or as single portraits and particularly of babies. I think it will help people break down the taboo of talking about the death of premature children and help grieving families put their pain at rest. I think it is a brave idea and the images are beautiful. Here’s a link about. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-mortem_photography Please only open if you’re not too distressed by some of the images but it is a very interesting topic and lends some interesting perspective on a subject many people do not know how to discuss.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 25, 2014 at 3:35 pm (3 years ago)

      You’re absolutely right, it’s not macabre. Our society’s general reluctance to talk openly about death made me think it was at the time. I’ve seen the Memento Mori photos before – death was much more commonplace in Victorian times and they were a lot less frightened of it. I hope this helps break down the taboo of baby death and show other parents who are in the same position that it’s ok to take the photos. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment xxx

      Reply
  25. kaowen2013
    September 25, 2014 at 12:52 pm (3 years ago)

    I’m so glad you’re speaking out about this Leigh. You are doing such a good thing for other bereaved parents xxxx

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 25, 2014 at 3:17 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you. I hope it helps other bereaved parents xxx

      Reply
  26. Tim
    September 24, 2014 at 10:12 pm (3 years ago)

    It’s a lovely thought to present Hugo as he would have looked without all the equipment. He really was a gorgeous baby. Thank you so much for sharing these photos with us.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 25, 2014 at 9:36 am (3 years ago)

      Thank you. Hugo was amazingly gorgeous, so handsome. Thanks for reading and commenting xxx

      Reply
  27. downssideup
    September 24, 2014 at 9:36 pm (3 years ago)

    Hugo was indeed handsome and your post will be invaluable for parents in the same position as well as medical staff. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 25, 2014 at 9:35 am (3 years ago)

      Thank you for reading it. Hugo was so beautiful. I’m so pleased I have these photos, they’re such precious memories xxx

      Reply
  28. twopoint4children
    September 24, 2014 at 8:44 pm (3 years ago)

    What precious pictures. We have video on tapes but I have never been able to watch them and now dont know if it possible.
    Thank you for writing this post as it will help others x

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 25, 2014 at 9:32 am (3 years ago)

      Oh no – there may be places who can transfer tape over to DVD maybe? I hope you find somewhere that can do that for you, they are such precious memories. Thank you for commenting. xxx

      Reply
  29. Kim Carberry
    September 24, 2014 at 3:49 pm (3 years ago)

    Such a thoughtful post….That last photo is absolutely beautiful x

    Reply
    • Leigh Kendall
      September 24, 2014 at 3:56 pm (3 years ago)

      Thank you. I’m lucky to have such a talented friend who could show how beautiful Hugo was xxx

      Reply

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